my walls are crumbling. are you happy now?

Sticks & stones can brake my bones
but your words will never hurt me.
False. Those words definitely hurt.

I have a problem. Except, I'm not really sure if its a problem. I suppose it could be a good thing, but in some cases, like maybe this one, I've been told its a bad thing. If you read my last post, I said it straight. I believe in giving second chances & the benefit of the doubt. I forgive no matter the situation, and I'll forgive the next X times it happens. People say hurtful things over and over about me. I'm not deaf & word travels. I still forgive them. But, in all honesty, they never realize how much it hurt.

You might be confused, but this is where my problem lies. I often don't stand up for myself because I figure, if i just absorb it, like a punching bag, maybe at one point or another it will click and they will realize they are wasting their time putting me down. I give them a second chance, and a third, and a fourth. Really, I don't stop. I give them the benefit of the doubt, that eventually they will be tired of saying the hurtful things. I hope that, like a punching bag, if I just take it all and don't try to fight it, all the drama will settle down.

Everyone keeps telling me I need to stand up for myself. But I can't seem to do it. I feel like I can't find the balance between being selfish and being selfless. I'm trying so hard to not make this about me. To not make it bigger than it needs to be. But everyone is telling me I need to do something for myself, that I deserve to stand up for myself and do something to make myself happy instead of taking the hits & hurting.

There's a part of me that wants to stand up. I can feel it every time I hear what they're saying. But, I can't. I just keep hoping that they will realize what they are doing & how much its hurting me. I keep giving second chances and the benefit of the doubt. I'm stuck.