eight maids-a-milking.

on the eighth day of christmas:

i woke up after having a dream about being pregnant. why was this necessary?

i made a present for the dorius family. they're wonderful to me.

i went to the dorius family christmas open house.

i ate the most delicious clam chowder provided by papa dorius.

i had a roller coaster night. happy. sad. happy. sad.

 i watched this video. baby-hungry girls. loved it.

i got a hug. much needed.

i slipped on the slush, and fishtailed around a turn.

i made it home.

 i blogged & counted down: five days until christmas shopping.

eight of them.

in the face of adversity,

D&C 121:7

My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

Alma 34:41

But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.

Alma 31:31

O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me..

Ether 12:6

..for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

Romans 5:3-4

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope

any others? those scriptures that give you hope in hard times?

i wrote a little poem a while ago.

We're Never Alone:

Lonesome, and weathered, our journey can be,

weary, and unable to carry on.

But my Savior, Christ, calls "Come unto me,"

He listens and hears our sad-heart songs.

Brother, Redeemer, help lighten my load

on my knees, will I come to thee.

These burdens weigh down, on life's trying roads.

My Lord, My God, draw nigh unto me.

In the darkest of nights, temptations thrive,

attacking souls, famished from lack of light.

But Christ falters not, stands strong by our side.

Reassured and secured, our hope ignites.

Hope in the atonement, He died for ME,

MY sorrows and sins in the Olive Press,

were bled from each pore in Gethsemane

His unconditional love was professed.

He'll never leave us alone on our way,

and if we are humble, He will provide

comfort, advice, and strength in our days,

peace and renewed faith, in Him we confide.

seven swans-a-swimming.

on the seventh day of christmas:

i went to church.

i listened to fantastic choir christmas program by danny.

i ate a glorious dinner.

i met with my bishop.

i went to a fireside about afghanistan.

i got a cool scarf turban thing from afghanistan.

i napped to the sound of football.

i got ready for bed.

i love sundays.

i count down: christmas in six days.

swan princess anyone?

love odette.

six geese-a-laying.

on the sixth day of christmas:

i woke up.

i showered.

i attempted christmas shopping.

i got a headache.

i sat at home.

i kind of hung out with danny.

i probably cried a lot.

i talked to my mom.

i blogged.

long day.

six geese-a-laying.

need i say more?

if live was a canvas - mine's nearly naked.

kirsten: plain old jane.

i came to realize there's not a whole lot interesting about me. 

i don't have any crazy talents, i'm not REALLY good at anything.

i'm just average. maybe below average seeing as i'm a Utahn and 

i haven't ever been skiing, snowboarding, seen the grand canyon,

made a snowman, seen the Salt Lake, fill in the blank. i only play

one sport, and i've played for at least 11 years now, but i'm just

average. i can play a little bit of the piano, but quit after 4 years 

of lessons and no real progress. i'm not a very good singer, perhaps

average? when around other people, i have a tendency to make a

total fool of myself. emotional is my middle name. i'm not incredibly

beautiful or rich. i'm not spectacular or amazing at all.

but you know, for being a plain old jane, i imagine i'm doing alright.

ha, look at me, it's a saturday night during christmas break, and i'm

blogging away my self pity. sheesh, i'm pathetic right now. i think i'll 

go make a grilled cheese.

five gold rings

on the fifth day of christmas:

i slept in. again. again.

i woke up for english.

i watched a christmas movie from 1930.

i drank hot chocolate.

i watched House in medical anatomy.

i saw amy. it's been so long.

i listened to more dboard confessionals.

i came home.

i bought myself christmas presents with my moms money.

i put money in my account.

i was blessed by a stranger as he left a five dollar

bill for me at the bank, saying merry christmas.

i was happy.

i ate taco amigo. i love my brother.

i babysat. kind of. the kids were asleep.

from 7 until now, almost midnight.

i watched inception and letters to juliet in that time frame.

i also ate lots of fruit snacks and drank water.

i loved the snow.

i came home to a house smelling of dried jerky.

i saw mommy wrapping presents.

i felt tired and started a yawn fest.

i am blogging.

i realize, it's christmas break.

i count down: christmas in eight days.

i love christmas.

five gold rings,

maybe if you are

a billionaire,

we can be friends

this christmas.

can you believe, christmas is here?

four calling birds.

on the fourth day of christmas:

i slept in. again.

i made sugar cookies in foods.

i ate those sugar cookies.

i drank mint truffle hot chocolate, supplied by Danny.

i watched the Newsies in US history.

i did not have to stay in advisory.

i watched brady play danny in fifa.

i sang songs and loved the seminary assembly.

i wrote cards to terminally ill children.

i liked that a lot.

i brought danny hot chocolate.

it wasn't as good as the one he brought me.

i felt sad again.

i wore leggings, leg warmers, boots, a hoodie and coat.

i cashed my check and returned sweat pants to danny.

i got home and napped.

i LOVED that nap.

i dreamed of christmas.

i woke up for dinner at seven.

i ate mama chus.

i came home to find a messy bed room.

i thought about folding laundry. again.

i was frustrated that my nail polish was chipping already.

i counted down: christmas break in 18 hours.

christmas in only nine days.

i felt like celebrating a lot.

four words,

waiting to be heard.

a vegetarian lifestyle.

the thing about jerky is, i don't want to see it until it's done.

but my momma whips out her meat slicer today and i get

that nauseas feeling inside, the one that makes your stomach

all knotty. and then, before i can escape the horror of raw

meat being splat on the slicer, she asks me to help her out.

ah shucks. so there i sit, grabbing paper thin slices of meat 

as she cranks the blade back and forth. 

oh please bless.

i'm getting light headed and my hands are feeling tingly. the

stench of raw meat is smothering me. i resist the urge to gag

multiple times, and i fail. multiple times. sometimes i try to grab

the piece of meat and the stringy fat is stuck on the blade.

more gagging. i keep my hands away from my face. i refuse

to touch anything, that reeking smell is liquid all over them. and

i'm lightheaded as i walk to the sink. this isn't good. 

my sister thinks its funny to discuss meat packing plants and

the slaughtering of animals for human satisfaction because it

irritates me. right now, the overwhelming urge to purge has

drowned out my irritability. 

heavens, please stop.

so there you go.

i hate meat.

i hate the taste.

i hate the texture.

i hate knowing how we got it.

i hate knowing that we eat it.

i hate the smell.

i hate the look of raw meat.

i'm definitely not the carnivore type.

three french hens

on the third day of christmas:

i slept in, because i don't have a first period.

i finished my english paper about Jesus.

i took a ridiculous test in medical anatomy.

i ate that shake i won in the bet. banana.

i learned how to say xbox in sign language. and more.

i watched the first part of the grinch.

i listened to the whole class quote it.

i got an urge to see the grinch all the way through.

i went to danny's indoor soccer game.

i realized, i'm an excellent coach.

i got more excited than i should when they tied the game

in the last thirty seconds. soccer. it's intense business.

i almost got another courtesy cone.

i thought about going running.

i forgot to cash my check.

i painted my nails bright red. red is for courage.

i discovered my anonymous note giver. thank you.

i blogged. [right now]

i listened to laura marling.

i procrastinated my laundry. again.
i spent countless hours at the mall christmas shopping.
i ate a sensuous sandwich for dinner.

i counted down: christmas break, two days.

christmas day, ten days.

i fbook stalked & blog stalked.

i finished a christmas present. one down.
i got a 47 out of 50 on my political science final.

i loved today.

three french men,

to make me food.

pasta please.

two turtle doves

on the second day of christmas:

i woke up early to get doped up on laughing gas.

i fell in love with the dentist.

i drove home, drugged and numb in my right cheek.

i got to school in time for second period.

i had a sub in foods, despite the fact that he could walk

perfectly fine with a cane, he drove his wheel chair, at

probably -0.04 miles an hour with a black flag attached

and bright orange flames on it. he probably had two hairs

on his head and wore glasses four inches thick. 

[please excuse my exaggeration]

i continually massaged my numb cheek in hopes to regain feeling.

i became a russian, seamstress immigrant, married to a kid in

my class, that had pink eyes, heart problems, and something

wrong with my face. also, i was called 'stupid' in spanish, and 

got deported out of america. [welcome to ap us history]

i ate grilled cheese, grilled to perfection.

i learned about D&C 76 and how to live a celestial life.

i got another angel.

i had a relieving, honest talk with danny.

i considered folding the pile of laundry on my bed.

i delivered cookies to elderly, or homebound wardies & caroled.

i added to my collection of 57 notes.

i considered painting my nails.

i checked my grade in psychology. the B was generous.

i listened to aly & aj's christmas music.

i worked on christmas presents.
i watched payson beat our boys basketball team.
i won a bet, arctic circle shakes.

i counted down to christmas break, three days.

i counted down to christmas day, 11 days.

turtle doves. how about two turtle shakes

and dove chocolates. mmm love it.

a partridge in a pear tree.

on the first day of christmas:

i aced my political science test.

i wrote an english paper about Jesus.

i wrote a two page note to someone dear.

i had my first peanut butter sandwich in over a week.

i worked for two hours.

i helped danny apply for a job.

i bought taco amigo, nacho supreme and fries.

i piled laundry on my bed to fold.

i procrastinated my psychology final.

i had a christmas dinner with my sunday school class.

i blogged.

i worked on christmas presents.

i felt like puking up everything i had eaten.

i cuddled with warm rice bags.

i did not feel like it was christmas.

what's a partridge anyway, and why would i

want pear tree? my true love is so thoughtful.

if you're a hugger:

come find me.
i'm in serious need.
thank you much.

it's like, do i even know how to blog?

i'm not going to pretend that my last post
isn't still true. but things are slowly getting
better. i think i have a phobia of being
abandoned. which only made that night harder.

we're only best friends now. thankfully that.
i understand why, and i know it's right. but
that doesn't make it any easier. it's hard to
put those feelings aside. but i think we need
it. for one minute. to just be best friends.

ladies and gentlemen.
danny dorius is the best person i've ever met.
he's unlike any best friend i have known.
i'm not going to say i don't love him. because i
really do. but the love is different now. and it
feels right. maybe all these tears are from joy.
at this point, i'm not sure. but i can only be
thankful that he's still here for me, and that he
is always going to be my best friend, no matter
what. i've never felt this way before, but with
someone like him, it makes sense. he's that
someone that i can look up to, the one that
makes me want to be a better person, the one
that strengthens my testimony, the one that
gives me hugs because i'm having a hard time.
the one that is trying to do the right thing, even
if it's hard. the one that puts God first and wants
to be a good example, and wants to help others.
he someone that is optimistic, in all of the hard
times, and sincerely wants you to be happy
being you, and doing what you do. he's someone
that makes you laugh, even when you're crying.
and promises to tease you for the rest of your
life on earth. he's the one that tries to understand
and tries to do whatever he can. he's someone
that is safe, and you can trust yourself with.
he's someone that cheers you up, and will argue
with you just because he's got a solid debate.
he won't go easy on you all the time, and isn't
afraid to open the door or say thank you. he's
polite and considerate. he's my best friend and
i look up to him so much.

thank the heavens for best friends.

sorry that i've been so infrequent

with blogging. and if you're my mom,

sorry that i've been so infrequent

with laundry and cleaning my room.

a little update.

i am: soon to be lacking in wisdom teeth.

i m: trying to get decent grades on finals.

i am: listening to chase coy & dboard confessionals.

i am: working on making God a part of my daily life.

i am: hoping for a quick week before christmas break.

i am: learning what optimism is in hard times.

i am: trying to make money for christmas.

i am: spending money for christmas.

i am: driving around on empty.

i am: failing foods. who even does that?

i am: considering cleaning my room & doing laundry.

i am: trying to fix an ulcer. if it's even fixable.

i am: eating a lot of snickerdoodle cookies.

i am: counting down till christmas. 16 days.

i am: praying for snow.

i am: really wishing i knew how to snowboard.

i am: so ready for second semester.

i am: craving a new wardrobe.

i am: so sick of sneezing all the time.

i am: procrastinating homework of course.

i am: trying real hard to be happy. 

tonight:

you know that feeling?

the one where you just want

God to come down and swoop

you up into heaven because you

 are too tired to put up a fight anymore

because you're finally realizing how 

hard this world can be at times.

and because everything just hurts.

i'm not trying to sound suicidal.

life is exhausting.

i'm not joking.

the stress levels are eating away at my insides.

no.

literally.

i have a stress-induced ulcer.

if you've had an ulcer, please raise your hand.

we can be friends. and we can cry in the fetal 

position for hours on end. we can be anorexic

together until it goes away, because eating food

hurts more than never eating again. 

if you're not completely sure what an ulcer is,

basically it's a kanker in your stomach. it is

produced from high stress levels and citrus-y

acidic foods. sometimes bacteria live on ulcers

and aggravate it, and quicken the growth of the

ulcer. it is extremely painful and can last for long

amounts of time. it's like a five week long period.

but in your stomach. and not really a period at all.

but you know what decided to join my ulcer?

mother nature. she's returned from her monthly 

vacation, to make this, the. most. miserable. day. ever.

no.

literally.

thanks megan for explaining a couple things about our

favorite time of the month. remember how chocolate

gets rid of cramps? well, great, but it actually worsens

ulcers. hmm.. you know how you get crazy cravings

for your favorite foods, like bajio, or costa vida, etc?

yeah, well my ulcer doesn't like spicy foods either. lets

just ruin all my fun. stupid ulcer. stupid mother nature.

i'm currently an anorexic, emotional wreck, that's

overly stressed out, starving, and in lots of pain.

please.

feel free to bring me ice cream.

[cold stone cake batter with brownie.]

at least i can eat that much.

[or just chocolate ice cream would suffice.]