God grant me
the
serenity
to accept what i cannot change
the
courage
to change the things that i can
and
wisdom
to know the difference.
sometimes, He really needs you to know.
my name is kirsten & i can make a difference.
Friday, December 31, 2010
cross my heart and hope to die.
before last night, i could have sworn things would never
really get better. and when i went to bed, i totally prepped
myself to wake up completely miserable again.
but i didn't.
i woke up happy.
it was the real happy. the one that doesn't just rub off when
someone annoys you or says something that you don't agree
with. its the happy that makes your insides all warm and what not.
i've always been the type that hates change. i want nothing
to do with it. it freaks me out and i just can't keep up.
it's like a virus, one thing changes and then another.
except for lately.
i want change.
perhaps whacking five inches off my hair was the first step,
and then talking to other people again - not that i was entirely
anti-social. a new wardrobe helped out a little bit too.
so here's my theory:
maybe change isn't all that bad.
maybe change made me happy.
check the scoreboard for change,
he's not doing so bad any more.
& then here comes 2011. maybe
my new years resolutions will stick.
hahahaha good joke kirsten.
really get better. and when i went to bed, i totally prepped
myself to wake up completely miserable again.
but i didn't.
i woke up happy.
it was the real happy. the one that doesn't just rub off when
someone annoys you or says something that you don't agree
with. its the happy that makes your insides all warm and what not.
i've always been the type that hates change. i want nothing
to do with it. it freaks me out and i just can't keep up.
it's like a virus, one thing changes and then another.
except for lately.
i want change.
perhaps whacking five inches off my hair was the first step,
and then talking to other people again - not that i was entirely
anti-social. a new wardrobe helped out a little bit too.
so here's my theory:
maybe change isn't all that bad.
maybe change made me happy.
check the scoreboard for change,
he's not doing so bad any more.
& then here comes 2011. maybe
my new years resolutions will stick.
hahahaha good joke kirsten.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
long story short:
tonight was a good night. in fact, definitely in my top five nights of 2010.
except for bad driving conditions like distractions, extremely dirty windows, random blizzards, and being lost in sandy, jordan, and south jordan for the majority of the drive, it was wonderful! danny and i went up to temple square to see the lights. if you didn't know, it was only my second time ever, and only my third time ever being on the temple grounds. the weather wasn't awful, but bitter cold with a nippy wind. we sipped hot chocolate and visited some of the prettiest places. the oldest tabernacle, a view from the roof, and the floating lights on the temple pond. we were probably good samaritans to a cute couple at the trax and played itouch games and i spy with my little eye. i probably had my lifeguarding cpr mask in my purse, but it's like whate'er. of course i didn't bring a camera, not that there was tons to take pictures of, except the trees, the pond, the temple, us, incredible arcitecture. okay, there was a lot to take pictures of. sue me, i'm a slacker. the drive home resulted in, singing colbie caillat over and over again, stop and go traffic, nearly rear-ending the car in front of us, and taco amigo for dinner. we ate like royalty. burrito supremes, fries, plenty of pink sauce, and of course, a banana oreo shake. try it. i dare you. and of course sometime later i was dropped off.
basically it was incredible. and if i could, every single night would be like that. because it was fun. i was really truly happy for one of the first times in a long time. and well, he smelled like heaven. three cheers for a perfect ending to the night, and possibly the remainder of christmas break.
except for bad driving conditions like distractions, extremely dirty windows, random blizzards, and being lost in sandy, jordan, and south jordan for the majority of the drive, it was wonderful! danny and i went up to temple square to see the lights. if you didn't know, it was only my second time ever, and only my third time ever being on the temple grounds. the weather wasn't awful, but bitter cold with a nippy wind. we sipped hot chocolate and visited some of the prettiest places. the oldest tabernacle, a view from the roof, and the floating lights on the temple pond. we were probably good samaritans to a cute couple at the trax and played itouch games and i spy with my little eye. i probably had my lifeguarding cpr mask in my purse, but it's like whate'er. of course i didn't bring a camera, not that there was tons to take pictures of, except the trees, the pond, the temple, us, incredible arcitecture. okay, there was a lot to take pictures of. sue me, i'm a slacker. the drive home resulted in, singing colbie caillat over and over again, stop and go traffic, nearly rear-ending the car in front of us, and taco amigo for dinner. we ate like royalty. burrito supremes, fries, plenty of pink sauce, and of course, a banana oreo shake. try it. i dare you. and of course sometime later i was dropped off.
basically it was incredible. and if i could, every single night would be like that. because it was fun. i was really truly happy for one of the first times in a long time. and well, he smelled like heaven. three cheers for a perfect ending to the night, and possibly the remainder of christmas break.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
this is me swallowing my pride:
my best friend told me:
being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect,
it only means you've decided to see past the imperfections.
i think happiness is a fragile thing. especially now. it seems to come and go so quickly these days. i feel like happiness isn't something i'm capable of keeping, and i guess i feel weak that i'm not capable of seeing past all of the hard times, trials, and tribulations. maybe i'm just one of those my-life-is-so-hard kind of people. or maybe, it's not always possible to be constantly happy during trials. i would imagine that's how it is. perhaps i'm not seeing the big picture in all of this. maybe i'm not learning everything that i need to be. maybe this trial seems so endless because i'm not grasping the fine print here. maybe there's a little message that's been tugging at me for so long, but i refused to believe it and therefore, continuously hurt myself.
it really makes you wonder, is it really that bad?
or are you just exaggerating it to avoid the truth?
in everything that's happened in the last month, maybe i'm the problem. maybe i'm keeping myself from moving on and getting past this. maybe the only thing standing between me and my happiness is a stubborn, needy, side of me that just can't drop it. maybe i'm making everything harder for myself by not facing the truth and being ignorant and childish. the truth hurts. i guess at some point i have to realize things aren't always going to go my way and i have to learn to work with the hand i've been given.
excuse me, i know i'm venting and that to the majority of you,
it probably makes absolutely no sense. but this is a blog. and
i think i just need to get a lot of things off my chest right now.
being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect,
it only means you've decided to see past the imperfections.
i think happiness is a fragile thing. especially now. it seems to come and go so quickly these days. i feel like happiness isn't something i'm capable of keeping, and i guess i feel weak that i'm not capable of seeing past all of the hard times, trials, and tribulations. maybe i'm just one of those my-life-is-so-hard kind of people. or maybe, it's not always possible to be constantly happy during trials. i would imagine that's how it is. perhaps i'm not seeing the big picture in all of this. maybe i'm not learning everything that i need to be. maybe this trial seems so endless because i'm not grasping the fine print here. maybe there's a little message that's been tugging at me for so long, but i refused to believe it and therefore, continuously hurt myself.
it really makes you wonder, is it really that bad?
or are you just exaggerating it to avoid the truth?
in everything that's happened in the last month, maybe i'm the problem. maybe i'm keeping myself from moving on and getting past this. maybe the only thing standing between me and my happiness is a stubborn, needy, side of me that just can't drop it. maybe i'm making everything harder for myself by not facing the truth and being ignorant and childish. the truth hurts. i guess at some point i have to realize things aren't always going to go my way and i have to learn to work with the hand i've been given.
excuse me, i know i'm venting and that to the majority of you,
it probably makes absolutely no sense. but this is a blog. and
i think i just need to get a lot of things off my chest right now.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
random post, like five minutes later:
you know what's an old song that i love:
kiss me thru the phone.
need i say more?
kiss me thru the phone.
need i say more?
the word on the street is:
i whacked my hair off.
it's probably true, but you probably won't get a picture,
because i absolutely loathe taking pictures of myself.
it's difficult.
it's probably true, but you probably won't get a picture,
because i absolutely loathe taking pictures of myself.
it's difficult.
Monday, December 27, 2010
you know it's not going to be the best day when:
you use your fingers to scrape ice off your car window.
you lose your eyesight from the blinding glare of the winter roads and morning sun.
you watch people getting paid at work for doing absolutely nothing & you're working your butt off.
you hate work.
you realize, besides work, you've got nothing else to do today.
you check your phone every five minutes, hoping to find a text or missed call.
you don't have any texts or calls.
you eat a delicious sandwich that makes you sick.
you pick up food at Gandy's and drinks in the gas station to have a not-so-attractive man hit on you.
you realize, that man MUST be over 45 years old.
your best friend is enjoying their break at a cabin & snowboarding.
you know when you get home, you'll only be watching tv for the rest of the night.
you put on nice clothes, and they still don't make you happy.
you eat chocolate to cheer you up and get nauseous.
you can only find two ways to spend your breaks at work: blogging and facebook stalking.
merry christmas break.
you lose your eyesight from the blinding glare of the winter roads and morning sun.
you watch people getting paid at work for doing absolutely nothing & you're working your butt off.
you hate work.
you realize, besides work, you've got nothing else to do today.
you check your phone every five minutes, hoping to find a text or missed call.
you don't have any texts or calls.
you eat a delicious sandwich that makes you sick.
you pick up food at Gandy's and drinks in the gas station to have a not-so-attractive man hit on you.
you realize, that man MUST be over 45 years old.
your best friend is enjoying their break at a cabin & snowboarding.
you know when you get home, you'll only be watching tv for the rest of the night.
you put on nice clothes, and they still don't make you happy.
you eat chocolate to cheer you up and get nauseous.
you can only find two ways to spend your breaks at work: blogging and facebook stalking.
merry christmas break.
Friday, December 24, 2010
twelve drummers drumming.
on the twelfth day of christmas:
i woke up & got ready for the day.
i played volleyball with extended fam, mckay & danny.
mckay probably bumped it right in my face.
i went to a christmas dinner. at four. it lasted till eight.
some dinner.
i eat mexican for christmas dinner.
no, really. our christmas eve feast is always mexican.
plus, we played musical chairs and my uncle sat on me.
i gift exchanged & smeagled How the Grinch Stole Christmas from danny.
i watched it. for the first time ever.
i love jim carrey.
i stayed up late.
i counted down: thirty minutes until christmas.
i feel like a little girl.
SO EXCITED!
SO EXCITED!
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
PG13.
warning: do not read this post if you are easily disturbed, if blood or death makes you uncomfortable, if you are nightmare prone like me, or if you are afraid of box-children.
a pre-explanation thingy:
i woke up at 4:30 ish 5 this morning, sweating, crying, and on the verge of screaming. i couldn't sleep. i'd had the most vivid, confusing, and straight up demented nightmare ever. in which, real people, in exact detail are portrayed, emotions are extreme and completely confusing. i'm about to explain my nightmare, you have been warned.
so here goes:
in my dream, i'm babysitting these two boys, and somehow, i'm still not sure how, they die. they are only like four years old. both have white blonde hair, and gorgeous eyes. [in real life they are the exact same, and have the sweetest personalities.] for some odd reason, i go for a drive and come back home shortly after. when i'm getting out of my car, i glance down the street to see a small boy, wearing a blue box that goes to his knees, and holes cut out for eyes, holding a really sharp thing [in my dream i call it a 'puncture-er] looks like an ice pick. he's just staring at me. i get a little creeped out so i start speed walking to my front door, and everytime i look back, he's closer to me. by the time i reach the front door, he's on the porch only five yards away. i rush inside, bolt and lock the door and yell for my sister to bolt and lock the garage door and shut the doggy door too. when i turn around, he's there. in my kitchen staring at me, with his ice pick, in his blue box. i run to my living room where the two dead boys i was babysitting are laying on the ground. i'm not sure what i intended to do, but i was leaning over their bodies when the box-child starts stabbing my back multiple times with his puncture-er. [this is just a dream, but it FELT so real] the dream skips again, and the box child is locked outside in my back yard. my kitchen window over looks my back yard and i see the box children. yes, children. they are everywhere. i call the cops and a woman arrives in my back yard. for some stupid reason, i decide to go back there and look. right as i walk out, i see a zombie woman walking towards me. i throw a stick straight in her heart in time to see the woman officer being stabbed by the children. i run inside, but the children get in too. the one box child comes towards me - i'm conflicted because he's just a child and i don't want to kill him, but i do. and the rest disappear. i rip off the box to see a small, innocent boy with shaggy brown hair and big blue eyes. a knock on the door. i open it to see the parents of the two dead boys i was babysitting. the mom and i just look at each other in tears. at some point, i figure out the zombie-woman that i killed was the mother of the original box child.
the end.
if you can interpret this, please tell me. i'm beyond confused, and freaked out.
i'm haunted. i feel like box children are everywhere i turn.
help.
p.s. sorry if you are mentally disturbed, i tried to warn you.
a pre-explanation thingy:
i woke up at 4:30 ish 5 this morning, sweating, crying, and on the verge of screaming. i couldn't sleep. i'd had the most vivid, confusing, and straight up demented nightmare ever. in which, real people, in exact detail are portrayed, emotions are extreme and completely confusing. i'm about to explain my nightmare, you have been warned.
so here goes:
in my dream, i'm babysitting these two boys, and somehow, i'm still not sure how, they die. they are only like four years old. both have white blonde hair, and gorgeous eyes. [in real life they are the exact same, and have the sweetest personalities.] for some odd reason, i go for a drive and come back home shortly after. when i'm getting out of my car, i glance down the street to see a small boy, wearing a blue box that goes to his knees, and holes cut out for eyes, holding a really sharp thing [in my dream i call it a 'puncture-er] looks like an ice pick. he's just staring at me. i get a little creeped out so i start speed walking to my front door, and everytime i look back, he's closer to me. by the time i reach the front door, he's on the porch only five yards away. i rush inside, bolt and lock the door and yell for my sister to bolt and lock the garage door and shut the doggy door too. when i turn around, he's there. in my kitchen staring at me, with his ice pick, in his blue box. i run to my living room where the two dead boys i was babysitting are laying on the ground. i'm not sure what i intended to do, but i was leaning over their bodies when the box-child starts stabbing my back multiple times with his puncture-er. [this is just a dream, but it FELT so real] the dream skips again, and the box child is locked outside in my back yard. my kitchen window over looks my back yard and i see the box children. yes, children. they are everywhere. i call the cops and a woman arrives in my back yard. for some stupid reason, i decide to go back there and look. right as i walk out, i see a zombie woman walking towards me. i throw a stick straight in her heart in time to see the woman officer being stabbed by the children. i run inside, but the children get in too. the one box child comes towards me - i'm conflicted because he's just a child and i don't want to kill him, but i do. and the rest disappear. i rip off the box to see a small, innocent boy with shaggy brown hair and big blue eyes. a knock on the door. i open it to see the parents of the two dead boys i was babysitting. the mom and i just look at each other in tears. at some point, i figure out the zombie-woman that i killed was the mother of the original box child.
the end.
if you can interpret this, please tell me. i'm beyond confused, and freaked out.
i'm haunted. i feel like box children are everywhere i turn.
help.
p.s. sorry if you are mentally disturbed, i tried to warn you.
eleven pipers piping.
on the eleventh day of christmas:
i woke up early due to nightmares.
i probably cried my eyes out and hid under the blankets.
please note, i was continually haunted by those nightmares through out the day.
i waited by the window for my favorite UPS man to drop off danny's present.
i about had a heart attack when he did.
i wrapped presents. HECK YES!
danny got: a personalized Arsenal jersey with HIS name and HIS number on the back.
he also got a 25 dollar gift certificate to, where else, Tucano's. he's spoiled.
mckay, will be his date of course, seeing as he got a gift certificate there too.
i christmas shopped. of course.
i watched the Princess Bride. an all time favorite.
i ate cheese pizza.
i delivered presents to Danny.
in return i got, the fuzziest, softest, blanket in the world, a coldstone gift card,
and mens church socks (black and purple), i'm obsessed, don't ask questions.
then we went to mckays.
we played lots of fifa and discussed my bizarre nightmare.
i drove danny home.
i about cried because i was so scared to drive home alone.
of course, when i run from the my car to my door, i'm locked out.
freaking out. not cool.
i turn on every light and proceed to my bedroom.
i blog.
i count down: christmas in two days.
its the eleventh day of christmas.
music is required.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
ten lords-a-leaping.
on the tenth day of christmas:
i went to the dentist again. lots of drugs.
i had an indoor soccer game. we lost.
i loved soccer.
i napped, for quite a while.
i watched top chef - just desserts because i like chocolate.
i ate a burrito for dinner and babysat the neighbors dog walter.
i invited danny.
we played halo, guitar hero, and modern warfare 2 for the night.
i got dominated. over and over.
i tried my best not to get sad. about anything.
i think i did okay.
i walked back home while he drove away.
i tried not to get sad or cry.
i came to my messy bedroom and blogged.
it's late.
i counted down: three days until christmas.
i love christmas.
its the tenth day. christmas is almost here.
oh they get to me.
guilty pleasures.
1. peanutbutter. on everything.
2. warm socks. i've said this before.
3. pellet ice. like the stuff our school has during soccer season.
4. homemade jerky & salsa. so good.
5. the smell of cinnamon.
6. strawberry jam on grilled cheese. instructions: butter one side of two pieces of bread. put slices of cheese in the middle & grill to perfection over medium heat. wait until cheese is thoroughly cheesy, and bread slices are golden brown. turn off stove. smother top of sandwich with strawberry jam & enjoy. thank you danny dorius.
7. mini sandwiches. the ones on rolls that they have at parties.
8. spoiling friends. LOVE spending money on everyone.
9. the backstreet boys. nuff said.
10. fruit snacks.
11. high school musical sound track.
12. prison break. i watched the ENTIRE first season in 24 hours. in fact it was the night after christmas last year. i still have not seen the other seasons, but please, lets have a marathon and rejoice in the cunning mind of michael. who is, if i might add, pretty darn attractive.
13. rolly chairs, or spinny chairs.
14. chocolate shakes or banana shakes. taco amigo. obviously.
15. the dentist. numby stuff & lots of laughing gas.
16. the smell of my shampoo. aussie.
17. the twilight series. read them. probably memorized them. sue me.
18. blog stalking and fbook stalking. everyday.
19. paychecks.
20. coldstone: cake batter with brownie. i don't know what it is, but every time i go to coldstone i can't get myself to try anything else. i guess i have a phobia of disappointment and thus stick with my previous orders. however, i have sampled other flavors. oatmeal cookie dough is delightful.
21. not wearing pants. i'm not a pants girl. i prefer spandex or underwear.
22. sports bras. love them.
23. eminem. i'm definitely too white.
24. making shoes on Nikeid.
25. roller coasters. i love them. as long as i'm safe.
26. haunted houses & scary movies. thrill seeker? ha, maybe.
27. i love lucy, tom & jerry, really old cartoons.
28. singing.
29. babies. perhaps i'm baby-hungry. but everytime i see a cute child, i just want to snatch it up and snuggle. they're adorable, and i love them. especially if they have big eyes and adorable smiles. freckles are nice too.
30. 11:11 wishes.
31. food network. top chef, man vs. food, cake boss, etc.
32. mulan, tarzan, & hercules.
1. peanutbutter. on everything.
2. warm socks. i've said this before.
3. pellet ice. like the stuff our school has during soccer season.
4. homemade jerky & salsa. so good.
5. the smell of cinnamon.
6. strawberry jam on grilled cheese. instructions: butter one side of two pieces of bread. put slices of cheese in the middle & grill to perfection over medium heat. wait until cheese is thoroughly cheesy, and bread slices are golden brown. turn off stove. smother top of sandwich with strawberry jam & enjoy. thank you danny dorius.
7. mini sandwiches. the ones on rolls that they have at parties.
8. spoiling friends. LOVE spending money on everyone.
9. the backstreet boys. nuff said.
10. fruit snacks.
11. high school musical sound track.
12. prison break. i watched the ENTIRE first season in 24 hours. in fact it was the night after christmas last year. i still have not seen the other seasons, but please, lets have a marathon and rejoice in the cunning mind of michael. who is, if i might add, pretty darn attractive.
13. rolly chairs, or spinny chairs.
14. chocolate shakes or banana shakes. taco amigo. obviously.
15. the dentist. numby stuff & lots of laughing gas.
16. the smell of my shampoo. aussie.
17. the twilight series. read them. probably memorized them. sue me.
18. blog stalking and fbook stalking. everyday.
19. paychecks.
20. coldstone: cake batter with brownie. i don't know what it is, but every time i go to coldstone i can't get myself to try anything else. i guess i have a phobia of disappointment and thus stick with my previous orders. however, i have sampled other flavors. oatmeal cookie dough is delightful.
21. not wearing pants. i'm not a pants girl. i prefer spandex or underwear.
22. sports bras. love them.
23. eminem. i'm definitely too white.
24. making shoes on Nikeid.
25. roller coasters. i love them. as long as i'm safe.
26. haunted houses & scary movies. thrill seeker? ha, maybe.
27. i love lucy, tom & jerry, really old cartoons.
28. singing.
29. babies. perhaps i'm baby-hungry. but everytime i see a cute child, i just want to snatch it up and snuggle. they're adorable, and i love them. especially if they have big eyes and adorable smiles. freckles are nice too.
30. 11:11 wishes.
31. food network. top chef, man vs. food, cake boss, etc.
32. mulan, tarzan, & hercules.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
nine ladies dancing.
on the ninth day of christmas:
i didn't sleep well at all.
i woke up at 4:30 to watch cartoons.
i soon realized that wasn't possible. power outage, thanks.
i hid my phone cause it kept beeping.
i loved the snow. all of it.
i shoveled the driveway in leggings and slippers.
i shoveled the sidewalk, everywhere, on our fourwheeler.
i got burried in the snow that fell from that tree.
i worked. for almost six hours.
i ate apple spice junction. so good.
i went to young womens, food drive total success.
i came home to watch august rush and 17 again. two faves.
i got ready for bed.
i counted down: christmas in four days.
so you think you can dance?
Monday, December 20, 2010
eight maids-a-milking.
on the eighth day of christmas:
i woke up after having a dream about being pregnant. why was this necessary?
i made a present for the dorius family. they're wonderful to me.
i went to the dorius family christmas open house.
i ate the most delicious clam chowder provided by papa dorius.
i had a roller coaster night. happy. sad. happy. sad.
i watched this video. baby-hungry girls. loved it.
i got a hug. much needed.
i slipped on the slush, and fishtailed around a turn.
i made it home.
i blogged & counted down: five days until christmas shopping.
eight of them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)