attitude of gratitude

things get hard, ya know? real hard sometimes.

unbearable even. it's frustrating and super hard

to be optimistic in these moments of difficulty.

big thanks to:

A. momma andersen, for believing in me and helping

me realize my accomplishments, and for recognizing

my struggles and respecting me for the strength i'm 

trying to have. 'i love you' texts are appreciated much.

i'm thankful for a second mom, that is very in tune with

the spirit and knew that is just what i needed to hear today.

 B. dad, after a heart felt text from dianna, i was feeling

better about where i stand, and that my efforts aren't

being completely wasted. when i got home, i found

a sweet, loving, note in my cleat that had me in tears.

"Tigger, (as my daddy calls me)

Good luck at your games today, play as hard as you

can then play a little harder. I am so proud of you and 

how you have handled this tough season, you are one

of my heros. I love you...

Dad

P.s. Have a great time at the homecoming activities

P.p.s. You are a most wonderful daughter"

the blue ink was smeared, and there was a wet spot,

my tears, or his, i didn't know, but he left for camping

and won't be home until monday or tuesday. 

every time i open the note, my eyes get blurry from the

tears pooling up, and i think of how blessed i am to have him.

i'm thankful for a dad that makes me strong and loves me

no matter what the circumstances or conditions are.

love you Dad.

C. danny dorius. in all this nonsense, he may be one of the

only people that relates to me, that i can vent to, and 

cry in front of, that understands the position i'm in. he's

here for me through it all, and supports me. he really wants

me to be happy, and i think he's really good at making me 

happy. i'm thankful for someone to talk to about anything.

someone that loves me and knows my potential.

kudos everyone,

you're so wonderful to me.

& then i realize that i'm surrounded by celestial, angelic,

servants of the Lord, all in accordance with love, and the peace

it brings in the world. they exploit the worth of souls, and hold

it up for the world to see. they stand, in search of those who 

need a helping hand, here and there. and selflessly bless the lives

of those in need. i couldn't be more grateful for their place in my life.

thank you, with all of my heart,

to anyone who has blessed my life

with their love and willingness to serve.

for lifting my burden when i was

not strong enough to carry it alone.

you mean the world to me.

he reads minds.

i had a question. concern. pickle. something. i don't know.
something that makes me sick inside. something that has me
scared for my life.  boyd k. packer, i was waiting for you.
luckily this cute, old man, graced me with his presence, and
his knowledge. he left me happy, stronger, unafraid, and
with a greater determination then ever before.


"sometimes after confessions and paying penalties, it's hard to
forgive one's self. forgiveness means forgiveness. don't look back."


conference high lights.


- simplicity is beauty
- attitude of gratitude
- don't look back
- prepare to serve
- go and do
- personal/priesthood line
- courageous parents
- remember my name
- doing work of the Lord
- trust in the Lord


i love Jesus.
i love His gospel.
i love His plan for me.
i love that He knows
my thoughts and intents.
He knows me.

my dream saturday.

sophie.
danny named her tonight. she might be venus though.
but deep deep down. she's a sophie. thanks danny.

i went to the temple grounds today. & it was beautiful. something about conference weekend brings perfect. brings still. brings fall. brings love. i lay under autumn-kissed leaves, with summer-fading sunlight streaking through the space between. the grass is soft, and cool in the shade of the tree. jon schmidt hums softly from my cell phone, and the Book of Mormon is opened to Ether 12. The gentle breeze whispers.

God loves me.
without a doubt.

happy 180th annual general conference.
it's no coincidence conference weekend is one of the
most beautiful times of the year. i love it. so do they.

blog awards? better than a state champ ring.

A.

thank you.

substance? ah, thanks miss mandi. i love miss mandi. 

i admire that she is a thrifter. i admire that she likes peanut butter

as much as i do, and hates meat too. i love that she wears blueberry 

blue mascara. andher hair is so long. and she's a creeper, 

which i absolutely love the most. we're pals.

thanks miss mandi.

B.

me?

well, i don't really know if i have a style. or at least i couldn't 

explain my style to someone else. i guess i've been inspired.

kudos to my idols, they've helped me become who i am.

 but

more importantly,

 i am who i am, and i'm happy with it. 

& i'm okay about that.

C.

how about two people?

yes. two is good too.

Megan: because we exchange awkward 'i-blog-stalk-you' smiles in the hall

and we enjoy every single second of it. also, she's the one that got me blogging

in the first place. bless your heart megan, you're golden in my book.

[is it bad if my life goal is to have a blog as cute as hers?]

and

Cailey: because i've never said a word to her in my life, but i think she is 

absolutely hysterical. her blog? i stalk it frequently, and wait impatiently for

her next post. we could be best friends one day. thanks for an enjoyable blog.

[post soon please, i'm waiting]

listen

to them.
tenth avenue north.

this one.
and
this one.

love them.

i wanna win

senior night.
sorry girls, but there is only one senior i will miss really,
and that's jenna dobry, better known as karen.


miss her like crazy,
but i'm proud of the girl.
& i'm glad she did something 
for herself. that's more than
i would have the gutts to do.


love you jenna.
i miss folding.
i miss bench warming.
i miss little cezars. 


we're going to state. ha, okay, maybe if by some miracle
a comet strikes alta high school and destroys their soccer
team, maybe if we miraculously pull out a W on jordan.
maybe if all the other teams sucked. maybe if we could
find the back of the net.




oh, can i just say how hot it was today?
real hot.
melting hot on the turf.
and then i was running.
hotter.
dripping sweat from every pore.
eyelids sweating.
so hot.
wait?
it's september.


can i please just have a good three months of fall?
it's the prettiest. i love the wind. i love the cloudy skies,
i love the turning leaves. i love the canyon drives. i love
hot cocoa in my frozen fingers. i love sweaters, and 
scarves. i love warm socks. autumn, come fast, stay long.
i love you.


new room.
it's yellow, turquoise, black, and white. love it.
especially the window when the sun sets, it dyes
my room a turqoise-y color. love that. wanna
see it? ha, nope, too cool.


also, october ninth needs to hurry up.
also, october eleventh is going to be a good day.
also, two more games.
also, i hate homework.
also, i have a cool tattoo.
also, zupas sounds really good.
also, the word 'also' is starting to sound weird.

lots to say.
all over the place.
so thirsty.
all the time.

so i don't like meat.

what's wrong with you?


sorry i'm not thirsting for that baby cow's
raw, uncooked, bloody, pink, momma, grilled to go.
sue me.

she:

she's 5'7, blonde, tan, and plays soccer.
aka: boys, hit her up, i forgot to mention the best part,
she's seventeen and single.
that's right, my best friend.

today was her happy happy 17th. 
awh, she's all grown up! i can't
believe it's junior year, and we've 
managed to get by since third grade!


lydia andersen: she's an incredible example,
close to God, intelligent, creative, athletic,
hard working, and a true friend.
i can turn to her for absolutely anything, and
i know she'll be there for me.








she likes:
mexican - we eat bajio & costa.
hot chocolate - her own
soccer - one of the best players i know.
piano - taught herself.
singing - humble, but an incredible voice.
chocolate - specifically peanut m&ms.
purple - probably one of her favorite colors.
the gospel - she has a testimony that blows me away.
drawing - never met anyone that draws like her.
fourwheeling - since we were little.
food - she'll be a chef.
music - she introduced me to the majority of my style.
dresses - all in all, she has the CUTEST outfits ever.

when we were in fifth grade:
"lydia, do you think God sent us here to be friends?"


right now:
i have no doubt in my mind that God sent us here to be friends.
in fact, i'm certain we were best friends in heaven. maybe we 
lived next to each other, maybe she taught me how to play soccer,
and play piano. maybe she's just one of those angels sent here in 
disguise to bless the lives of others. i'd like to think so. 


















lydia andersen. she's my best friend in the whole world.
she never ceases to inspire me. i honestly don't know who
i would be without her. she completely altered my life, and
i can truly say she has left the biggest impact.


thank you.
for being my best friend.

antsy.

itchy. anxious. excited.
one word: homecoming.


dress: check.
date: check.
[i should answer him back]


october ninth. please come
faster. i've got a realllll good
feeling that it's going to be an 
incredible night.


thank you danny dorius.
peanut butter & jelly.

the scene.

still water reflects

the star scattered sky

& the moonshine neglects

the grass where we lie.

the wind whispers gently

of always and forever.

a murmured melody

of a love-lit endeavor.

but,

unremarkable: the scene.

dull and matchless

compared to he,

his love, a promise.

[debating the last stanza.

something sounds wrong,

and i can't make it work.

it's driving me crazy.]

addictions anonymous.

lets face it. i'm addicted to a lot of things. these addictions are getting the best of me. but i can't help it. so sign me up for the next fill-in-the-blank-aholics anonymous.

fill in the blank 1: chocolate. in any form. mostly ice cream, frozen yogurt, or milk shake. typical girls like chocolate, a minority love it, and then there's a few people that have yet to control their mad desires, like me, that are flat out addicted. sue me, if i can't resist the sweet taste of chocolate in my mouth.

fill in the blank 2: mexican. no, i'm not addicted to mexicans, i'm addicted to their wonderful food. costa vida, and bajio for example, are two of my favorite places to eat. i wouldn't be surprised if they started preparing my ensalada beforehand, knowing that i'll be there. last school year, i set a record. most money spent on myself, and my friends, when going for lunch. bajio was the spot. and i paid.

speaking of paying.
fill in the blank 3: spending money. less on myself, and as often as possible on others. yeah, i'm addicted to loaning money, and asking for none in return. it makes me happy. and for some reason, i never seem to run out. i think the man upstairs is watching out for me on this one.

fill in the blank 4: soccer&work. i'll put these two in one category, cause if i'm not at work, i'm at soccer, and if i'm not at soccer, i'm at work. it's a treacherous cycle that can't be prevented. i love it though. i figured that i'm one of those people that have to be busy. i have no desire to sit at home and watch reruns of hannah montana. now if it's phineas and ferb, there may be an exception. but, if you ever need to find me, i'm either at the pool, lifeguarding, teaching swim lessons, or visiting bossman joe, or jessi, or, i'm about 100 yards further up the drag, melting on the lava-hot turf field.

fill in the blank 5: peanut butter. yeah. i put it on everything. it's a core part of every meal of the day. [unless i'm having mexican, that might be weird] peanut butter on toast is usually my breakfast. and lunch. sometimes i put in a little more effort, and spread on some homemade strawberry jam for dinner. key word: sometimes. i like to put peanut butter on my peanut butter chip granola bar. yum. basically, if it has peanut butter, i'll eat it.

[if you haven't noticed, food is a large part of my life.]

i feel like facebook and blogging should be somewhere in my top five, but out of complete embarrassment, i'll pretend that the hype of frequent blog stalking, or updates in the fb world doesn't even phase me. [lies, i check them daily. sometimes, hourly.] psh, who needs a social life anyways, when i've got all the sources for my psychotic obsessions? [me, obviously. since i can't resist the pop of an instant message, or a red notification flag.]

i need help.
maybe a professional.

the seventh day, we rest.

say goodbye to the summer skies.

it's a sunday.
was. was a sunday. today is monday. and it's just after midnight.
i went for a drive to a park. i sat in the car with the windows rolled down so i could feel the rain and wind. i read in Moses, and thought an awful lot about Jesus, and the creation. word from the weather man is sundays are always the prettiest. even in a storm. the clouds are always incredible, but when the sun hits them just right, they change colors. i sat in the rain under a pink cloud. are you jealous?



i like moses. he's a real good person. i'm thinking maybe one day, i can be like Moses. you know, the way he is in similitude of Christ. the way he doesn't give in to satan's temptations. i try to imagine what it would be like to be transfigured and stand in the presence of God. there aren't words to describe it.


tenth avenue north sang me a song today.
they call it By Your Side. annnndd i like it a lot.
in fact. i looked up the chords and learned it on the guitar.
kudos for ultimate-guitar.com, tabs galore.


i got to third nephi in my book of mormon scripture study. it's one of my favorite books. especially when Christ comes and teaches the people, and blesses the children, and the angels come down and preach to them.
and i try to imagine what it would be like to have Jesus give me a blessing. i love Him. and i know for certain He loves me. or else i wouldn't have the pretty sky to look at, or the trees. and he wouldn't answer my prayers.

i like sundays & church a whole lot.

raindrops falling on my head.

rainy day sounds:
norah jones.
regina spektor.

it's one of those, hoodie, sweats
& ice cream days. if you feel the
urge, i wouldn't turn down a hug.

stormy stormy.
the ditch is flooded.
i propose puddle jumping.
maybe some hot chocolate
and warm, dry socks after.

summer

you came with the season as the first swallow sang
a brown headed stranger with a five letter name
we planted our kisses where the wildberries grow
my feet sprouted wings and i flew all the way home

love song

if you'd ask me for my heart,
there's no way that i'd say no.

you know those love songs that say
everything you want say in a sorta
cliché manner? those are my favorite
right about now.



here are some

: goot -
i love your existance

: rocket to the moon -
like we used to

: plug in stereo -
oh darling

: colbie caillat -
the little things