obituary:

i admit i had considered taking his life. he never really responded to me, and had a knack of keeping me up all night. i suppose he could have been a little sour from lack of attention. but anorexia wasn't the way i wanted him rolling over. and certainly not in a pile of his nitrogenous waste (thanks vandijk.) but, i guess it spared me the trouble.

r.i.p. trev.
i hope in heaven you actually learn to eat the food your given and you're not quite as picky.
if it weren't for my two dogs that
would have happily brought you up
from the ground, i would have loved to given you a proper burial.
but instead, the options were:
a. a nice ride in the dump truck today.
or
b. shredded up in the garbage disposal.

i'm not one for gruesome deaths, the poor guy already had to put up with me for almost a year. option a. please. i hope the walls of your confinement in fish heaven aren't 5 inches in diameter. roam free.